I sometimes think I must be one of the worst Christians on Earth. Not only do I not go to church, I also have a lot of issues with quite a few of the church's teaching. I even doubtes whether my prayer is being heard at all sometimes.
And then I think about how I act: maybe I'm not too bad afterall. I repect everythign and everyone, besides maybe when it comes to insects (it's my phobia...). I tried my best to love everyone, and not judge people.
But THEN I think: I DO judge people. I still gossip, and talks about people behind their back. Although I can't help but to do it, it's part of my pattern recognition system to teach me how to deal with people. Is that how us human works? Or am I just finding excuses?
Although I can't help but to think whether God really DO want us to go to church, or if the Church is the one who insist on it. It's getting hard to tell sometimes. That's why scares me.
Well, I suppose if I do my best, no one can blame me. It's just that my best is probably still not good enough. :|
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1 comment:
Your best is good enough. I think everyone has doubts sometimes. From your blog it sounds like you are working on your PhD. Wow! That is something to be proud of!
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